You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
