All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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