I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
