somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
