i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize