I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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