Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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