While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
