i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
