they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
