Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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