I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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