first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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