I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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