i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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