I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
