I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
