Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize