I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
