Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
