don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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