'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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