I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
