3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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