I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
