Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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