Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
