I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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