I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
