Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
