He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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