I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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