did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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