just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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