They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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