Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
