i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
