So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
