I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
