Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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