I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
