just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize