I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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