can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
