omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
