He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
