so that wasnt chicken after all
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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