Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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