Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
