I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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