is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Houston, we have a blender
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
