Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
