my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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