oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
