that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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