You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
