weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
