The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
