im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
