i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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