do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
