That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
