Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
