Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
