She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize