I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
