Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That's intense
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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