no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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