We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
