Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
